Uh, we're, uh, playin' hide and seek! Well if he does it again, I'm gonna grab his bellows and make a wish. Steve Urkel: You mean, you want to kiss me? It is not empty at all. Big guys have never played keep away with your hat on a cold day. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Then, you'll need a wide-angle lense. You know you'll never reach it, but you have to keep trying. Well, he got it trapped in the rear door of a Buick and was dragged eight and a half blocks. Gun, Carl. Carl Otis Winslow: [Has just gotten wind of Eddie's flyer party] Edward! Eddie: I'm sorry, Steve. Oh, yes it is! I'm finished with this witness, your honor! Steve Urkel: Yes! Eddie swoops in and starts taking pictures]. Harriette Winslow: No, you don't have to remind me of nothing. Harriette Winslow: Oh no no no. "I have a pen, you have a phone number. Eddie: I meant, I haven't seen her today. Oh when he shows up, it's amputation time. [music abruptly stops] Look at yourselves. Here's What Steve Urkel Looks Like Today - TheList.com I mean the guy's a feeb. He interruped my phone call meant for Laura. Carl Otis Winslow: Yes and that's not all. Harriette Winslow: Carl, out first table was next to the entrance where everybody was waiting to be seated. Harriette: What for? Clean up your room Edward. I was not abrasive. You refuse to go out with me for the last decade! Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [stuck up toward Myrtle's lack of style and class] That's the difference between *old* money and *new* money. I'll grab my stuff and I'll be out of here tomorrow. Willie Fuffner: [Wipes his own mouth] Thank you. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? [laughs]. Eddie didn't have to come back here and confess. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Weasel, you are the last person who should be giving me advice about girls. Carl: Uh, just bring us burgers and fries. He just told you to get lost. Harriette Winslow: You can't blame them for walking, Eddie. I wanna read it to my mom. Introducing yourself to someone new is always scary, whether you're on an app or in person, since the possibility of rejection is part of the deal. Ms. Steuben: No, I'm a nervous teacher! Rodney Beckett: Steve, come on outside. His parents were very upset. Some Sorry looking roses that are 3 hours away from potpourri. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: No. Laura: Sure. You know what? Aunt Oona: The gas pipe broke when my living room flooded. I was in a high-speed car chase and ran out of gas. People just love juicy gossip! Laura, please. Harriette: Soon, baby. no. Why, how low can you get? Carl Otis Winslow: Oh, well how did that happen? . Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: What the heck is wrong with you? Cassie Lynn: But, it's a lie! I mean, you are very Laura: Let's just put it this way You have the perfect face for your head. You're wrong, the maitre'd gave me a two for one coupon. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: I couldn't even go in. Does that about cover it? What do you get when you multiply a negative by a negative? Stefan Urkelle: It's not just a transformation chamber. 89. I only got the date wrong on one flyer. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What's wrong? Anybody have more punch? Steve Urkel: Loving you is like trying to touch a star. Steve Urkel: Edward this stuff's been hawked. [Urkelbot throws robber into a pile of soupcans]. . Don't mess with Mrs.Bonecrusher! Getting you to smile would be like pulling teeth! You're making me blush. Steve Urkel: What? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why aren't you? He held operations in Chicago. A minor Betty Crocker boo boo. Laura: Ma, the package said to cook it at 275 for 20 minutes. Carl: Oh, you heard me, don't ever come back. Laura Lee Winslow: Oh lord, you're gonna die. Ms. Steuben: Uh, excuse us just a minute. Sheldon is rude, vain, obnoxious, and one-dimensional. Laura: Let me tell you something. Laura Lee Winslow: Well I guess Steve was practicing his accordion. Hey, wait a minute. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh that's sweet, what did he say? Well let me tell you something sir, if that's the kind of boss you are. Steve Urkel: [sobbing] No, it's Myra, her cold got worse. Why, because of you, he's swapping recipes with Wolfgang Puck. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Who do you think bought his first pair of shoes? You'll never know how much time you'll have together. Carl Otis Winslow: I know. Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [after Steve, Eddie & Waldo sang 'My Girl'] Don't we remind you of The Temptations? I want more Punch! I wanna show you something. Hey, you could be making this whole thing up! Laura: I mean it, Waldo. You think she'll really kiss Steve? I never got an 'A' before. To rob and murder? Carl: I'll tell you what's sad Harriette, I've watched two full hours of the "Bridges Of Madison County" and Clint didn't blow up one bridge! Raoul is the new produce manager. But, you're a teacher, Ms. Steuben, and a daaarrn good one. Trying to cover it up would only make it worse. Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, your old man's read a book or two. Harriette Winslow: Not as rough as Aunt Clotilda. I wanna play some of my own records on the jukebox, but I don't know how to put them in. Laura: [as Steve and Laura walk in, the guests gasp again] Steve, everyone gasped. Mucus comes in so many colors. Nick Neidermeyer: Do I have to remind you who you're talking to? I'm being rejected in my own fantasy. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl hasn't moved that fast since he chased a doughnut down hill. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Eddo, Eddo, Eddo! Harriette Winslow: And deliberately sat us next to a cigar smoker. Laura Lee Winslow: Yeah, that's right, how'd you know? Carl: I am not. [Steve thinks Rachel is in love with him, but she is really in love with another man named Steve]. When my dad said you fixed me up with Laura; why, I thought I'd wet my pants! I love this lady [Laura] and I can come over here anytime I want to and you can't stop me! Harriette Winslow: Carl was nice enough to invite you into his game and you've been acting like a jackass. And what about the car show last Saturday? Eddie: No, grandma. This isn't my grandmother. Carl Otis Winslow: That a girl, Harriette. There's no justification for this behavior! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [shocked] And he brought hooters! Carl Otis Winslow: 150 extra people on what should've been a small family affair. [poins to the part on Harriette's diary] Aha, it's over with me and Raoul. Every time I ask her about it, she just cries and takes another Rolaid. Waldo: I got close once. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: The Snooze Juice. Waldo: We rented us a limo station wagon. I can teach you how to cook. Steve Urkel: I can't! Wha? All the doo da day. Your baby shoes, your grandmother's denchers, fish jam; and I didn't get a thing for you. Think of the possibilities.". Maxine: Ugh, what is this? Rachel Crawford: Uh, Steve, would you mind coming over to the restaurant on Sunday at about 7:30? Carl Otis Winslow: [Laura comes home distraught] Laura, what happened? Steve Urkel: I have a spectacular evening planned! Laura Lee Winslow: No, I think we learned that Steve's experiments has gone too far. Steve Urkel: Oh, I see. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Laura, do you mind if your old grandmother tells you a story? Wow, are you wearing a bra? It helps to determine how much help you need. Did you know an African American helped design the blueprint for Washington, D.C.? Laura Lee Winslow: [in tears] Daddy, everything's a mess! Donna Santangelo: And get this, Urkel's tuxedo fits! Harriette: This feud between you and Nick is getting out of control. While he was starring in "Family Matters" as Steve Urkel, White also began a side hustle as another staple of the era's popular culture . Get me a cherry slurpy! [Runs with Steve to confront Waldo and Weasel], [Eddie tries to flirt with a cute girl, unaware that Carl is behind him]. Look how big and thick it is! I'll tell you something else, Allison, I may not be the most trendy guy on campus, or the best looking and I'm CERTAINLY not the most coordinated. But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that. Now hit the sack. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: I feel so safe in Raoul's strong arms I love him soo much and I sorta like Carl. Steve Urkel: No, I AM a serious little nerd. Steve Urkel: [whispering] I bent my dagger. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Chuck is twice the man Raoul is. And then there was the time we went camping and we were in dyer need of a generator and we just plugged the toaster into Uncle Elijah and the Pop Tarts were flying. And him. Harriette Winslow: Every time she stops, she starts all over again. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [voiceover, as Johnny Danger] So there I was, staring death right in the face. Steve Urkel: Oh, positive. Stefan and Myra of left stunned]. You understand? Why, it'll ruin my transcript! Like a moth to a flame. Can you help me out? [runs upstairs]. Wha? SUBSCRIBE to get the latest. Laura: Is it my imagination or is your voice lower? Steve Urkel: I've fallen and I can't get up! Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, there is a child outside digging up your azaleas. Oh my God! Laura: [running in] Guess what? Carl Otis Winslow: Society places too much emphasis on being thin. You gotta fix that machineeeee. I can't! You had two whole days to forget where it was. [the photographer takes a snap shot of Eddie nerously laughing as Carl drives him away]. Look, I love you with all my heart, but just because you don't love me back doesn't give you the right to treat me like dirt! Carl Otis Winslow: You know you were rude to that guy, Harriette. So they picked up all out stuff and moved us again. These kids are gonna ruin everything, they have to go. When I said my feelings for you might change, I was lying. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No thanks, Eddie. Rachel Crawford: Good. Laura Lee Winslow: I know, but he said 'get lost, Laura'. Waldo: [pause] Wow! I'm not your personal doormat. What's for dinner, milk and cookies? It is always tomorrow with that boy. Wha? Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Was I ever! Laura Lee Winslow: If you're really my guardian angel, where're your wings and your harp? Carl Otis Winslow: Steve, Everything was Going Just fine, until You Blabbed that I was a cop. Rachel Crawford: The balcony scene is next. Carl: Rough. Aunt Oona: Well not good, my kitchen exploded. And we practiced for six minutes! Judy Winslow: Mom, when's dinner? Harriette Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Carl. Steve looks at Laura], [At The Winslow home in the alternate world]. We were just having a little fun. Ms. Steuben: All right, class. Laura: She didn't need a hairstylist, she needs a fairy godmother! Am is a verb, verbs are our friends. Ha ha! "Family Matters Quotes." For that matter why isn't everybody? Carl Otis Winslow: I told him I was taking him over to see you. Steve Urkel: Oh, please, Laura. People stopped and starred, called me names, and some even spit at me. Oh, you're a sore for sight eyes! Carl: Well, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel. Laura Lee Winslow: No it wasn't. Steve Urkel: No, but it was moving kinda fast. Rachel Crawford: Mother Winslow, guess what? Steve Urkel: [thinking he's playing hide and seek with Laura, Eddie, & Judy and a shower starts running] That shower running doesn't fool me Laura! Lady in Strip Club: Shut up and shake your booty! Chocum hi chip chok!". Poor Laura has worked so hard and now she has to drop out of the race. I promise, okay? Steve Urkel: You said, "Get a life, Steve", A week ago you would have said, "Get a life, TURBONERD". Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Why? Come here. Steve Urkel: Well, Laura doesn't want a date with me. Steve Urkel: I have to tell you, Mr. Winslow. Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. [Stefan tries to stop the chamber and the chamber ends up being busted. At a party, once, he clamped cables to his earlobes and jump-started a Volkswagen. [crying], Maxine Johnson: [Maxine starts to laugh while talking to Steve] Ooh, hoo hoo. My parents play this with me all the time! Raoul asked me out, but I told him that I was happily married. Robbins: Hey everyone, Laura Winslow's date is Steve Urkel. Let eserviate on the bright side. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well, so is Urkelbot! Then, I drove you here in *my* car, and were you pleasant company? I won't be able to take you to the prom. Stefan Urkelle: Good lord, you're a nerd. With Squeeze I'm not safe nowhere. Weel Good Lord man, she's an overnight success story. Now, I'm gonna give you a compliment. We'll start with a common Korean phrase. What about it, Steve. I've had more food than this stuck in between my teeth. Carl Otis Winslow: I didn't bring my gun. Steve Urkel: Look, I know the pay is lousy, the hours are long, and you hardly ever get the credit you deserve. [laughs] But you never smile! Steven Quincy Urkel: Gee, I don't know, the speedometer only goes to thirty. From now on, no parties and no TV. Get up and get your own pie! If you cut me, do I not cough? "No mo giet itsu mana! Just as I thought. Waldo Geraldo Faldo, Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cheating? There's no one I wanna say no to more than you. Steve Urkel: Come on everybody, let's ooh the durkel! Snap, Sidekick: [with the Serpents] All the doo-dah day. Who does these things? Steve Urkel: Don't feel bad. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh gee that'd scare me. Kanye West name-dropped "Family Matters" star Steve Urkel on his My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy track, "Dark Fantasy." However, Ye originally thought a similar line rapped by T-Pain was "corny," the "Buy U A Drank" singer claims.. As reported by HipHopDX on Tuesday (Sept. 7), T-Pain says Ye stole the concept for the Urkel-referencing line after hearing a similar lyric on his . Carl Otis Winslow: I do not and keep your voice down the neighbors might hear you. You dumped one of my relatives in a Hefty bag. and-so-the-balance-shifts-blog. Carl: I just had the worst day of my entire life. [to Steve] I'm wearing you DOWN, baby! How much will that cost me? Due to the Urkel character's off-putting characteristics and the way he would stir up events and underscore the plot or even move . Carl Otis Winslow: Yes, Harriette! Laura: We're not going anywhere. You have the right to remain silent. Why, you teach us things about life! Steve Urkel: [drinking spiked punch] What is this? But, I'd be willing to pay you. Harriette Winslow: [Opens the candy box] Candy missing. "I heard you are looking for a stud. Carl: There is a guy on our couch who says I remember him, but I don't remember him. So, I figured if I doubled the temperature, I could cook it in half the time. Harriette Winslow: Now let me get this straight. [Eddie, Clarence and Steve are arrested by the police for theft.]. Carl Otis Winslow: [trying to convince his boss that using Urkelbot is a bad idea] But Sir, you and I have been to the Police Academy. Steve is the perfect son. Urkelbot: [Kojack Impression] Who loves ya, baby! I almost went to the movies with Vicky Vanderfanny. Sign up | Log in An . Carl Otis Winslow: Edward Arthur Winslow, son I'm ashamed of you. I-I-I see. April 24th, Carl, I planted this fake diary because I knew you'd read it. Rachel Crawford: Can you make him quack like a duck every time the phone rings? Me and Laura went ice skating together. [smiles]. Laura: How long have we known each other? You think I'm fat. Because, I already told him I do remember him. Aunt Oona: The water main snapped when the roof collapsed. Steve Urkel: [sobbing] In about a week or so, but she gonna have to miss the prom. I'm wearing a Bart Simpson's mug. Steve Urkel: Oh, pasha, you're making me blush again. Laura: [Long pause] Your looks. Can't see a darn thing. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Well I for one am appalled. Laura: Maybe not, there has to be some guy who doesn't have a date. And the reason it hurts is because I've tried very hard to be your friend and all you've done is take advantage of me. You can stay. [kisses Laura] Love you. Harriette Winslow: Harsh? Lt. Murtaugh: I dropped the, uh, nerd off next door at the, uh, nerd house. Carl Otis Winslow: Tell me Harriet, before I left for work this morning, did I or did I not tell Edward to empty the trash can? Rachel Crawford: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Hey dad. Waldo: I'm sorry, Steve. Steve Urkel: Oh, Laura, my love. You are under arrest! Colonel Dirk Urkel! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [brings her in to meet the Winslows] Now don't worry, they don't bite, and even if they do they've had their shots. I have a muscle in my forehead that will not stop jerking! An illustration of a person's head and chest. Would you like that? Mondo do du chok! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cornelius Eugene Urkel, you have better find a good excuse to leave town soon. And I know that baseball card meant a lot to you. Carl: Typical. You're always sorry. Willie Fuffner: That's different, you're my friend. We are properly trained. Steve Urkel: Why, I can see the headlines now! Alright. Carl Otis Winslow: Yep, Benjamin Banneker. Harriette: At my table, you eat them. Steve Urkel: Well, what if you trip or something? Steve Urkel: Can I have a glass of milk to go with my face? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Oh well Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: You mean to tell me that the Army screwed up the paper work again. 1 The Shrink Machine Was Made To Make The Winslows Plenty Of Money. [looks over to the busted parts of the transformation chamber]. Carl Otis Winslow: Oh nothing, never mind! Did you think of me while you guys were camping? He's half-Nerd, Half-Carl. And even then I knew it wasn't right. Steve Urkel: How tough am I? Carl: Harriette, there is a car in the living room. This isn't right Weasel. Laura: Doth thou love me? That's Lt. Murtaugh. "If I were a stop light I'd turn red every time you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.". r/Unexpected on Reddit: Pick up lines as it's peak Included in the potential "Did I Do That?" Family Matters Compilation - "I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up - YouTube Weasel: Hey loosen up, Eduardo. Laura: [gasps] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry please forgive me. Stop the music! You're my friend. 'Steve Urkel' actor launches cannabis brand on 4/20 Anywhere away from my Laura. Laura Lee Winslow: Most people don't know that. When's the last time you slept? It better be a dead relative in your excuse. Quotes.net. Edward 'Eddie' Winslow: [laughing] Good one, Myrtle! Stefan Urkelle: I'll have to buy new parts for the chamber. That's the last time I do anything for anybody in this house. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah? Steve Urkel: Carl, I brought the notes to go over with Laura. What's up? "Take out the trash, Edward." Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: The refrigerator. Harriette: Well, if he remembers you, he's used to you looking like a jerk. [takes note and crumbles it, Laura slams locker door, revealing the word 'N*gger' spray painted on it]. Laura Lee Winslow: [comes in with Mother Winslow's dress from the dry cleaners] Ugh mom, this place is really getting gross. Harriette Winslow: She says OGD's a great kid, but he hasn't had it easy in his life. He opted ofr early retirement. Laura Lee Winslow: Sure. Look, Steve. And sometimes I was sorry I ever started the whole thing, but I didn't quit. At the airport he picked up 6 bags. [after Carl comes out of the busted transformation chamber in an Urkel like fashion, due to Myra's tampering]. Steve Urkel: Why, to make everyone think that the woman I love actually loves me back? Steve Urkel: [while Laura and Maxine hit Steve with two Boston Cream Pies] No, AAH!, WAAAH! How about the next round we switch colors? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: How'd that happen? Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: That's big talk coming from a guy in Italy. Now you're going to find out what it's like to be Steve Urkel. The bad news is, he'll charge you an arm and a leg. Harriette Winslow: So Oona how are things in Altoona? Steve Urkel: Oh, I'd better lock it then! Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family! Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. Once, I found them in Milwaukee living under an assumed name! Steve Urkel: 'Standardized Urkel Elementary Math Exam'. One minute, "Moo!" Carl enters her room with Eddie, who is struggling to stifle his laughter.]. Steve Urkel's Young Neighbor On 'Family Matters' Is All Grown Up - HuffPost He's so sad he could depress Richard Simmons. You're acting like animals! Harriette: [Reading] Swiss Family Robinson!