54. With time, I have started to value more time. Why did the can crusher quit his job? IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? Walter Bagehot. Alright, get in the basket.. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 119. Because he was always spotted. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Why is England the wettest country? When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 218. 91. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 58. 163. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N Art doesnt transform. 56. Funny Affirmation - Etsy If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Albert Einstein I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. 126. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. 140. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Short people with an umbrella. 16. 110. Really? 85. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 1. Keep your affirmations in the present. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 37. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Stuart Turner 206. 9. 248. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. 140. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. I am my childs greatest comfort. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Jun 19, 2018 - Explore Jamie Hadland's board "funny/sarcastic affirmations" on Pinterest. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. 67. 244. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 7. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. 45. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. Go to bed with satisfaction.". You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 228. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. 221. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. "I receive what I believe.". ". I love my job only when Im on vacation. Frances McDormand, 42. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. 49. Because seven ate nine. I am lazy till I get a motive. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. I tell you what always catches my eye. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. 67. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. 20. 192. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . 117. Ken Dodd I am too lazy to be lazy. 74. Sincerely, the floor. 4. I tell you what always catches my eye. 187. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Not everyone has to like me. 1. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. Why is England the wettest country? And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. 53. 224. I see the funny side of life more and more. 84. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood 101. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Snowballs. I believe in what's possible for me. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 88. 178. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. 93. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. Swimming trunks. 161. Steven Alexander Wright. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". Steven Alexander Wright 71. My mom scolds me for no reason. 159. Never ask a starfish for directions. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. Lily Tomlin, 242. 27. 126. 34. Because they make up everything. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. What is Mozart doing right now? Swimming trunks. Walter Bagehot - Billie Burke. 143. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. 261. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 195. 134. Friday Affirmations: 20 Affirmations to Wind Down the Week If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! Because someone is always sitting on the deck. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. What do I do for a living? If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 178. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 34. 279. 271. 52. 120. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. 194. 50 Funny Affirmations for a Daily Dose of Humor - Happier Human Love your enemies. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. Enjoy! When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. I thought you said extra fries. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 64 Funny Quotes About Life That Are Painfully Accurate 232. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. 214. - Irish Saying. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? Ted Turner. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. My farts aren't nearly as bad as my dogs'. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. 242. Batwoman: single. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Alison Boulter. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. I am awesome. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. 161. I feel great. 22. 104. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. 236. 1. Charles M. Schulz Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. 158. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. 212. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. 136. 168. 151. 10. Ive got three bones. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. We need to hear a pin drop. 43. 271. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free Ensure that your actions match your words. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? It will warm you twice unknown. 9. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. I'm doing great. 234. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. (John 14:27) 27. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. Wilson Mizner Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 217. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. 171. 48. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 2. Your email address will not be published. 175. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. It just plain forms. 233. Paul Ehrlich, 241. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. I can create positive change in the world. 217. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. 9. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 85 Funny Wednesday Quotes, Sayings, Pics, and Images - The Random Vibez Your values become your destiny. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 118. Any text will do. I honor that time. "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. Does it count if you say them in your mind? "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". Jonathan lockwood huie. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 179. 7. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 211. 142. 26. 43. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Look, youre smiling! Funny Affirmations. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. 139. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 90. 2. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. - Kyle Chandler. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Why did the school kids eat their homework? 168. Allow your body to absorb the positivity of your words by repeating them to yourself. Happy Birthday.". Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 5. 75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love - Fun Loving Families Theres life without Facebook and internet? I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. Decomposing. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. 257. 269. P.D. 152. 39. I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. 64. 276. 216. A backbone. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. Albert King To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. The only power you have is the word no. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. Description for this block. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave George Burns I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. 100 Short Positive Affirmations: Keep Repeating Them Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. 26. 247. 133. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. 32. 227. 31. Life begins on Friday night. Your actions become your habits. You can only be young once. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. 189. 7. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Some when they enter, others when they leave. I am tough and resilient. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. I dont worry about getting older. Positive affirmations aren't about tricking kids into mentally looking at life with eyes that only see what they want to see. Effective pushing often involves poop. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 68. Say "Thank You" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of - YouTube I see food, and I eat it. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? I did not trip and fall. Positive mindset affirmations. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? The rest are too expensive. 230. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Life is always easier with some humor, smiles, laughter and fun. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. 22. 134. How do astronomers organize a party? Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. 1. It gets toad away. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. He who laughs last didnt get it. 300+ Short Positive Quotes to Brighten Your Day - PsyCat Games I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. 102. 202. Because they make up everything. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Honolulu, its got everything. 146. 186. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. 138. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 2. "If you see me talking to myself. 27. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. Honolulu, its got everything. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. Yeah, so is a grenade. 131. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? I release all shame about my body. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!