What happens when he is married and its THEIR money? Started Thursday at 10:05 PM, By He makes a VERY good living and I am unemployed, desperately looking for a job. If you two are serious about building a future together, set a deadline for moving in together. Age gaps in relationships have become more prevalent over the years, and society is becoming more accepting of such relationships. It was an example. HELP!!! My bf has made bad financial decisions (according to him) in past and has lost all of his savings and now he is ~ negative $50k. Of course, your man might just be really bad with finances and not know the right way to manage money. He lives in a rented basement for but has rented his parents a nice apartment/condo. Times are hard but a man gotta be a man at all times. It's ok for her to suck all of his money that is supposed to be saved for OUR future, but the second he sees I don't have as much saved as I had planned previously (still have a good amount) he is very mean and yells at me? The long-standing issue #1, however, is his parents' total reliance on him. Want more of our free, weekly newslettersinyourinbox? Pick a date you intend to move out and tell him how you feel, that you do not want to live with his mother and you cannot get serious or stay with him if he can't resolve this and be OK with that. But he can't afford to buy me wife things ( he promised to pay for a coat, that I then had to pay for myself as he didn't have the money). As a couple, you both have to communicate honestly and deal with those emotional challenges that you have around your perception + the pragmatic side of it, which is, what other resources have they NOT looked into that they might qualify for? what zodiac sign is janet from the good place; sam's club cake catalog; forrest county busted newspaper; east greenwich nj public works; entry level graphic designer salary chicago; flash mort acteur; Boyfriend's financially supporting his mom!!! Rent, groceries, bills, car, cellphone, you name it. If his name is on the mortgage, it will increase his debt-to-income ratio. We are getting serious about our relationship (talking moving in, marriage etc)and I feel VERY uncomfortable (borderline unacceptable) with his commitment. He will ask you a lot of financial favors. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Started Monday at 02:12 AM. Our son struggled with some mental-health issues in high school. If your boyfriend is in a temporarily bad situationhe lost his job and he's looking for another, or he's putting all his money toward paying off debtthings may be okay. Of course, most couples choose to still keep personal accounts, but they will have a joint account to save money for bills every month. My BF was going through a rough patch so I was there to help him financially. This way its not over-the-top. I was upset because he made a big show of promising to buy it, I told his sister he was going to buy me a coat, and then when we where in the shop, he said it was too expensive and he could only afford half. TL:DR: My boyfriend (M39) (I am F37) of ~1 year has been responsible for his parents financially since their retirements. We know each other from many years ago in college. If he doesn't respond to his ex's calls for help with the kids, he might worry that they aren't okay and that he . Though it sounds harsh, I don't think he'd ever . There are some people who will live with their parents their whole lives and expect their spouse to accept it. Only you can decide what you can withstand in your financial life together. After realizing I was the person that everyone around me always came to for dating advice, I decided to merge this skill with my profession writing. And I do know people who are willing to contribute some money to help support a parent who doesn't live with them and agree to a certain amount and are fine with that if they can afford it, but you need to decide whether you are willing to live with her and/or support her financially, either of those because it sounds like he expects you to do both, and you will be making sacrifices for her for as long as she lives if he decides you as a couple must do this. OP needs to figure out if she's the one to give this dude the wake up call or back off completely. When your boyfriend doesn't help you financially, you're left to use up all of your own money and that's not all right. First, you've only known him for four months. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Still, Im a firm believer that all adults should know to make a decent omelette and steak, and they should want to wash the dishes within a few hours of the meal. It can lead to a lifetime of resentment and pain. Requested URL: www.thepennyhoarder.com/debt/boyfriend-supports-his-parents/, User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 10.0; Win64; x64) AppleWebKit/537.36 (KHTML, like Gecko) Chrome/103.0.5060.114 Safari/537.36 Edg/103.0.1264.62. Financial favoritism occurs when parents provide unequal financial gifts to their children. A few really good points, one really good script. It's a fair point. Truthfully, engagement is completely out of the question once he says and does these. A lot of men will also try to control the money of their wife or use a woman financially because they cant deal with the fact that a woman is more financially stable than they are. Love knows no boundaries, and it is not unusual for individuals of different ages to fall in love. Unfortunately, our website is currently unavailable in your area. Offering to do something, such as making their car payment, may help them avoid a short-term crisis and give them the little extra time they need to work out of their situation. You seem to have the experience that they are basically leeching off of him, so what are you guys going to do about it? Make sure the source is set correctly and that CORS support is enabled. PRIVACY: We will never disclose or sell your email address or any of your data from this site. He also knows that youre concerned about how his parental support will affect your future together. If the mom truly has financial issues that stem from emotional problems, i could see whre he would say "we will give mom $150 a month for x amount of time" or whatever, but she shouldn't be treated like his wife or child being doled out money. A man working towards a larger goal or fighting for a higher paying position is a lot different from someone who unreliable, lacks ambition or is lazy, she says. It just happened that when one of us was single the other one was not. I worry it will haunt both of us as we take the next steps in our lives (renting an apartment soon, buying a home of our own in the future). You can continue to be naive but you will continually be blamed in this situation. Although not everyone in debt is irresponsible and should be blanketed as users, if your partner has financial problems and hes using your money to survive, its not good news! All people deserve to feel appreciated and cared for, especially within their marriage, so make sure you do. Btw both him and his sibling have been supporting themselves after graduating high school! In this article, we will explore the benefits of laughter in relationships and techniques for cultivating humor and joy. Others have to pay alimony. He uses the words "I'm not going to abandon my family", but they are the ones that abandoned him (boarding school that he hated for years + his mum lives in another country for almost half the year, so he has to look after his brother and sister). In most relationships, especially in marriages, both partners give and take when it comes to finances and the financial burden is never put onto one person. When Its Workable:If your man has recently changed directions, graduated school or been laid off, give him a break. We are now paying their rent, so that the rest of them can afford to buy a house. He makes the bed, you dust the tables. But as of now, he spends more on supporting them than himself. However, most couples, especially those that are married, do tend to have joint accounts and share money with each other, most of the time simply because it's easier. The other long-standing issue #2 is his 'bad financial decisions'. Once a Parent, Always a Parent: How to Love and Support Your Adult Children. Being a motivated human being is far sexier than sitting on a fat stack of cash (although I'm not going to lie, the fat stack of cash doesn't exactly hurt your case). Most couples talk about money, and its natural to want to talk to your spouse about income and outgoings. His parents are not citizens (yet) and dont qualify for Social Security. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. He gives them 350 every month. If a grown adult cant live life on a budget and doesnt understand personal finance or expenses, no matter how many times youve explained it and given financial advice, theres something wrong! My bf (39) and I (37) have been together for almost a 1 year now. In our teens, being in the band made a man sexy. I guess, what I'm asking is: is it wrong for me to want that 350 to be saved for our future instead of a family that only uses us? I struggle financially and my rich boyfriend won't help. Dr. Buckingham. I think it's a very real possibility that situation quickly becomes an expectation. They had been together for 5 and a. AND he's bad with money and is $50K in the hole from his own bad relationship with money. Much of this depends upon his emotional maturity and willingness to cooperate and work on it together. His child support, truck payment, etc., leaves him only $600 to contribute to the household. So again, if the man makes more than the woman or vice versa, that's . They have absolutely no pension or savings and completely rely on him financially. Thanks for taking the time responding to my question. A woman in China was so outraged by the dishes she was served by her boyfriend's parents that she ended the relationship; A video of the dishes she posted on social media has been watched more . However, my boyfriend will still need to support his family. Of course I want his parents to be happy. F that. Can you share your experience with me please? If he anticipates that mom will live with you guys and you will be supporting her, you can be alerted to that and leave him if that doesn't work for you. And when the business went down, he lost his savings and left with a debt which he can only manage to pay minimum payment. However, the most obvious sign of financial abuse is if he only shows affection for you and feels attraction for you when youre paying for things, or stays in a marriage with you even though theres nothing left to stay for. But I financially support my partner, and I feel extremely judged as a result. He supports his parents financially 100%. He's not using our joint savings to pay his family, it's usually his own money, but sometimes he doesn't have it, so I help. Imagine a dude cutting his wrist every morning to feed his dog. How come it is OK for him to give his mom money and cater to her needs/sugar coat EVERYTHING for her..but he is so mean, nasty and down right just hard on me? For the record, I only earn more than him while I'm loccuming, and that means no sick pay or holiday. My partners at different times were understanding but there was an unpleasant aspect that created some negativity around the subject sin. How many times did he make poor financial decisions and did he learn anything from it or not? He is a very capable person with good education. I don't care about the coat. His mom probably has limited skills and plus she is in her 50s now so why shouldn't she get a break. My boyfriend and I have wanted to move in together for a few years. Help Find Local . All these comments about how commendable the son is for supporting his parents like this, smh. It has been proven to have numerous physical and mental health benefits, including reducing stress, boosting the immune system, and improving mood. I am not saying to comfort him. Dont believe me? I am greatful for the gospel that I have. But a year later, he is saying he doesn't think he and I will be able to move out from living with his mom anytime soon because he says we are not financially responsible and his mom needs help financially. Studying the vast and complicated world of relationships entices me, and I am constantly striving to learn more, so I can then help others with more knowledge and experience. You guys need to sit down together and work this out peacefully and non-judgmentally. Thats a much bigger problem than figuring out who is going to take out the trash. She has two jobs (technically), but one is just helping out a family friend water plants at various business offices (so pay isn't that great or stable) and the second job is a part time retail gig (she gets 20 hours MAX if lucky a week)she will complain she has no money and then give away like 10 hours worth of shifts at her retail job because her "back hurts". We have grown up with fairy tales and romantic comedies that have told us that the ultimate goal in life is to find our true love and live happily ever after. We have had the talk and I told him how I feel about his parents dependance on him. The site owner may have set restrictions that prevent you from accessing the site. dudelikewhoa And completely unsustainable. I dont have a real relationship with his parents, and Im not willing or able to offer my own financial support to them. When Its Workable:If he just doesnt know how to clean the toilet or chop an onion, but is open to learning, feel free to move past go. Its more important to examine how the two of you work through these issues. Published by on 30 junio, 2022 It's very okay to support your boyfriend financially. As mentioned, its often difficult to tell if someone is using you financially. As a grown woman, its only hot if that band is U2. As to the second point, that is also a very huge concern - And here's why I say that: 50K in debt due to poor financial decisions and losing savings means he is very, very bad with money. Location: Napa - wine country. I would be lying if I say U never thought about what you described and I havent got that feeling from him since started dating. We've had a lot of problems in our relationship, and even though we really love each other, I doubt the compatibility of the relationship. Thanks. Dead body found in Hillsborough apartment with unharmed infant, deputies say, Estimated 630,000 gallons of raw sewage spilled into the Hillsborough River, records show, Tampa man arrested in death of woman found in apartment with unharmed infant, deputies say, Hillsborough man dies in crash on Selmon Expressway exit ramp, Tampa race has 4 candidates, including 2 council veterans, seeking open seat, High-profile race for citywide Tampa council seat has seen fireworks, How about spending more on preventing crime? ENA posted a article in Mental Health, 22 hours ago, ENA posted a article in Relationships, 22 hours ago, ENA posted a article in Relationships, 21 hours ago, ENA posted a article in Personal Growth, 20 hours ago, By